Missing Home

A few weeks ago, homesickness hit me so hard as if to be slammed by a brick wall. I do not mean homesickness as in simply “Oh, I miss home..” I mean that for about two weeks I would wake up nauseous, because I missed my family so much. I even had a specific wake-up alarm song from a show I would watch with my brother, and sometimes I would listen to it for the heck of it because it brought back such great memories.

I found it to be strange that homesickness would hit me so hard much later than when I arrived to BSSM. I had missed my family a lot, but I certainly had not felt so sick as a result. Instead in being surrounded by such wonderful community, building new beautiful relationships, I was comforted and joyful to be here. I prayed and inquired of God, wondering why at what seemed such an odd time it would hit me this hard?

I began to realize that even though I have made great connections here and formed strong community, I am not nearly as close to anyone as I am with my family I grew up with. I do not have a history with anyone here like I do with my parents and siblings. Life circumstances dictated we were around each other almost all of the time up until I came here, talking about anything and everything, always being there for each other even in the midst of dislike and hurt. I realized that is truly a gift that we got to bond so close together, because most families nowadays do not get that chance.

I then realized what hit my heart was finally beginning to process through my head. My heart was reconciling the fact that I have made connections and memories here that I may never get to have with my parents and siblings. It was feeling the weight of the reality that when I do go back home, things will never be the same.

I knew it all deep down before coming, and had already realized the weight of coming to this school. This time around, it surfaced, and I had to remind myself by telling God “I remember my yes! I gave you ALL of it. No matter the cost!” realizing yet again that part of that cost is that I do not get to be with my family all of the time.

I have never regretted my decision because God is worth it. He has made this place my home since before I even got here! He has placed me here to learn things that my home needs. I want Heaven on Earth, and how else do you do that without learning how to cultivate and sustain a Kingdom culture of revival and honour?

Once my heart reconciled all of this, peace came over me. Memories of home did not make me sick with desire to experience them again. Instead, they filled me with peace and joy of remembering the good times, knowing that there will be even better times because of God.

Finally, one day I had been listening to a bunch of nostalgic music on Spotify. After I had turned it off for a bit, some lyrics popped into my head.. “..to the place I belong, West Virginia…” and so the tune came to me.. “Take me home, country roads, to the place I belong…” I was immediately brought back to a simple moment years ago… My BroBro and I sitting in the living room, both in our chairs. It is a quiet evening, so you can hear our chairs squeak as we rock back-and-forth, along with the noise of the cicadas. We converse a bit about what to watch on TV, as it seems there is nothing on, and I am fairly certain I am crocheting. He flips it to a 70’s music advertisement channel, and that song comes on. “I like that song, it’s nice.” he says, and I agree.

With nostalgic tears in my eyes, I looked the song up on Spotify. “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver, and I cried as I listened to it. It brought me so much joy and peace. I have had it stuck in my head for over a week now.

Even though we give up certain things to walk out our calling with God, I promise you that He will always make it worth it. I promise you that everything you entrust to Him will be multiplied. I cannot imagine what life would be like had I not said “Why not?” to God’s dream of attending BSSM regardless of its logical impossibilities and the sacrifice that I would have to make. I do not have enough space to sum up all of what I have learned thus far, but I know that on this topic it has immensely blessed myself and my family. God has worked in all of us as a result. Me being here is not just for me, it is also for my family, for my city, my state, my country, my world, and that is worth every bit of missing home for just a little while.

It is never a matter of “What will I have to give up?” It is always a matter of “Look at what God will do as a result!”

Soon enough I will have the honour and privilege of taking it all home and letting God multiply this Kingdom cultivated culture of revival and honour!!! 💖

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Friday, January 19th, 2018, 7:32PM

This nourishes my soul. I saw this moment, I had to…I had to grab my phone to capture this moment. The immense, intense beauty that struck me as a result of witnessing this moment. It screams to me “This is what the Kingdom is about!” Stretching forth a hand, to be connected, to influence each other with the love of the Father’s heart. You do not forget these moments. They add fresh definition to God’s demonstrations of the Kingdom. You cannot forget such a moment. He will not let you.

How do you sum it up?

After this week of school, I find myself in awe. All I can ask God is, “How do you sum it up?” and “What has my life come to?”

I SAW FREAKING DEAF EARS OPEN, PEOPLE LOSE THEIR CRUTCHES AND WALKERS, SOMEOME RUNNING SO FAST AND HARD AFTER NOT BEING ABLE TO FOR A FEW YEARS AND IT SOUNDED LIKE THUNDER, I SAW PEOPLE OVERWHELMED WITH THE POWER OF GOD……..

I get to see stuff like this everyday. It was just extra super duper intensified this week with Randy Clark Healing and Impartation conference mixed in. It is what happens when hungry hearts come together, fully intent on positioning torwards Papa God. I honestly do not know how to sum any of it up other than God is so ridiculously cool, amazing, awesome….SO AWESOME!

May we never lose our sense of awe!

-1998girl

BELOVED

Sitting in class next to my revival groupie, the absolutely lovely Rachel, she leans over and whispers “Can I give you a tattoo?” I shrug my shoulders, set down my drink, and hand over my arm. I was not sure what would come of it, but I knew it would be good.  BELOVED fiery eyes […]

Cultivating Inward Motivation

It is a long story, but to the jist; being a fresh youngin’ out of home and heading off to school with no grid for proper time management has its interesting affects on oneself. 

You see, I did FABULOUSLY at the first of the school year. At least I thought so. The reality I had to recently face is that I did not. I stayed up late, constantly only had a few hours of sleep each night, operated on giant cups of coffee I brought to school (you know, instead of that thing that keeps you alive..I think it is called..wa..ter?) and I would sleep all weekend. 

I was not entirely terrible, but I was not entirely healthy. It is a refining process that I have had to give myself grace for, because you cannot turn a twelve year habit forcefully overnight. I realized I cannot expect of myself what God is not asking of me! 

Eventually I burned out, procrastinated a lot, and it came to a point before Christmas break where all of my late assignments outnumbered all the ones I had turned in on time. God said to me, “You are outwardly motivated! It is time to get yourself together.”

So, here are just a few things I have learned so far for cultivating inward motivation:

  • Open dialogue with God 24/7. I already had this going on in my outward motivation habit season, but the only reason I found out I was outwardly motivated was because of our consistant open dialogue. He poked my heart. *Boop*
  • Keep your destiny before you. Meditate on what God has done and is doing in your life. Keep in your mind that it is the little moments in life that are just as important. Lack of eventfulness does not equate to lack of impact!
  • Have some sort of basic plan for managing your time. Be intentional with God time, quality social time, study time, and then let social media be a reward rather than an obligation. 
  • Get a cup. Go to your sink. Fill your cup with that clear stuff. Sip on that every few minutes. 
  • Let yourself feel the honour of simple moments. The fact you are alive, you have a relationship with THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, how beautiful that quote is that you just read, the fact you get to be present where you are with Jesus, you have the freedom to read your Bible, sing your songs, dance your dance, post your writings, how cute that picture is on the fridge, whatever it is. Let your heart feel things, allow it to sense the depths of life within the fine details. There is a lot of beauty to behold.
  • Set a bedtime. Let yourself get the actual amount of sleep that your body LITERALLY NEEDS.
  • Meditate on the fact it is an honour to study the Bible and a great thing to learn. That you are a powerful person who powerfully chooses to do what is best and right, not out of a mentality that you “have to”, but that you get to and you choose to.


And that is what I have learned thus far. Hope it blesses you! I now have a bedtime for myself and have two assignments in on time. Yay God!


-1998girl

When you hike further than you knew you could…

This year, I did something I had never done before. I hiked to the peak of a mountain. I had never been hiking before, and being a flatlander, I certainly had never been so high above sea level. On that hike, God did a lot in me. In my every step, He stripped away fear, taught me how to enjoy process, what it means to focus with determination without over-exertion, and worked deeply into my soul the reality of relying on His strength and protection.

The day before Thanksgiving, I went on another hike. I was super excited, thinking that it was going to be a walk in the park. I had no idea that it would be hilly-er, and a longer distance than my first hike. I also had no idea I would dunk my foot perfectly into a stream and have to hike the way with a sponge of a shoe. Lol.

I keep an open dialogue with God at all times. Somewhere along the way, I had a specific chat with God, wondering if I did not conquer this trail, would it mean I accepted defeat? Would it mean I am weak? Would it mean I am giving up? What would I be giving up? Would it mean I am smart for saying I cannot do it, or would it mean I simply do not recognize my own strength, and the strength available to me from Him?

“It wouldn’t be defeat, Cassidy. But you’ll have to face this again, eventually. Why not now? Why not?”

All I could think was, “I conquered that other mountain. This one is easier! I know I can do it!” and settled it in me that as long as I had the available time to properly pace myself, I would do it. 

Instead of dealing with fear, God dealt a lot within me about the lie that I am a burden to others. I felt like a burden to the whole group, especially those who stayed behind with me. God would catch me every time I would make a negative comment about myself, 

“Well, if I’d just exercise more

Well, if I’d brought more water–

Well, if I’d remembered to eat–“


“Yeah Cassidy, if you’d done those things, it would’ve been a bit easier. But you didn’t. So quite beating yourself up. These people are willing to stick by you and help you, to carry your things, and share their food. They could go ahead, but they choose to stay by you, to help you. You are not a burden!”

I realized I was not alone, and that these people enjoyed being around me regardless of my weakness. I had to change my mindset to the fact that even when I need others’ help, I can still add value to their life. It does not mean I am a burden. It just means they are recieving from me in a different form. 

In one simple moment of turning the corner, I realize it was all worth it. “Finally. We made it.” The view was stunning. The people, even more amazing! “Yay! You made it!” 

On the way down was easy peasy!
The next day, I find out that it was a tougher hike than my first mountain. I was stunned and in awe. God said,

“See! You’re stronger than you know!”

Just because mountains in life seem like they should be easier to hike, does not mean that they are. So when you are feeling weak, just remember every other mountain, hill, or rock you have conquered. You will soon find yourself conquering rougher, and tougher things with God.


-1998girl